Even though I try and post a lot of blog entries that show I had super smooth and easy time, there is always an underlying understanding of the panic I went through to get to that outcome. And I say panic quite regularly for most stressful situations when someone asks me “what’s wrong” … and I say, “oh well I am panicking”. You can’t see it externally, but inside I am doing mental flips over and over trying not to freak out… I have no way to explain this to most people other than panicking because that is easiest and can just be laughed off most of the time.
This could be recognized as having little anxiety attacks, but I don't say that too often because I am not at the level I have seen with paralyzing anxiety attacks. Whether or not I have just been able to remedy the attacks well and avoid those situation, then I consider myself lucky. This does not mean that I have not done some questionable things at strange moments with no explanation to "re-center myself". One of the most common occurrences is sitting down on cold surfaces and finding the following things: something funny I see, something funny I smell, something I feel (cold surface) and something funny I hear. This is actually quite easy in China because half the time I made up what people are saying anyway and everyone seems funny.
Cute pictures to lighten up this post:
I have always been as in control as possible at these moments, especially when I don’t expect them, and I hope that I never have to experience what some people go through during a bad anxiety attack, especially while traveling on my own.
Example. Place: Seoul, South Korea Time: 6:00 PM Arrival
Directions to fast train – Check
Random company to chat with – Check
Wifi – Somewhat... 😊
Wrong direction on inner city train -> locked out of ticket booth -> doors closed on me multiple times before I gave up and just jumped the gate -> stuck between the train and the platform doors -> 2+hours of extra traveling time -> struggles to meet up with someone giving me directions -> laying on the floor of the METRO station -----a bottle of wine!
